Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I WANT TO BE SLIM TOO.

Source: Angry

                                                         fat people 19

Fat people just piss me off! One of the most annoying aspects of a fatty is  the amount of space (the 'footprint', if you will) they occupy. Do you ever  notice just how hard it is to get around these tubs of lard as they walk single,  double or even triple down a hallway or sidewalk (but usually double is enough  to more than fill all available space)? And do you further notice that when you  try to squeeze your thinner ass past them (for they no longer walk but  lumber/waddle at an infuriatingly slow pace) they get indignant? Moreover, do  you ever notice they usually tend to walk in a herd of two or more? At work  doesn't it annoy you when you need to get to some papers or to the copier or  computer, etc. when a fatty is standing in they way and you just can not get  around their astronomical ass? However, if that is not enough, they seem to  relish being annoying in such a manner, having a smug attitude after you are  inconvenienced by having to plot a course around their equator. Just today as I  was riding my bike to work I had to ride in the rough to get around two fatties  lumbering down the sidewalk, who where then (surprise!) indignant that I went  around them.

Look, I will say up front that I am a doctor (that is an M.D., not a  chiropractor, not a dentist, not a Ph.D) and I will tell you from many fucking  years of school and residency that there are some basic things all fatties (in  fact, all people) should understand. Are you all ready? This is some pretty  basic shit that most people will never grasp:
90% of your weight gain is from what you put in your piehole! Re-read this    first sentence until it sinks in! Think of calories like money in a checking    account: if you balance the books at the end of the day your weight will stay    the same. If you expend more than you take in you WILL lose weight.
Fat people expend more calories than thin (as much as that sucks for thin    people). No really, a 350-pound fatty will burn in the neighborhood of    3000-4000 calories a day carrying around all that extra lard! A thin person    does 2000-2500. Therefore, fat people do need to eat a hell of a lot more to    keep (and gain!) weight.
 Re-read #1 and #2 again and put down the cakes and the pies and the    chips and the cookies and get off your fat ass and get some God Damned    exercise!
Realize that with the exception of rare (and often fatal!) genetic    diseases, there is really no medical condition that makes you gain weight and    not be able to take it off. Diabetes, hypothyroidism, "slow metabolism"    (whatever the fuck that means), hormones and "genetics" (the tar-baby of all    fatty excuses) may make it harder to loose weight as quickly but will never    stop you from losing weight (re-read #1 through #3).

Therefore, I will say with authority that FAT=LAZY with basically no  exceptions. Now for those ready to flame away at your greasy keyboards with your  pudgy fingers, take a really, really fucking honest look at who you are, how  much you eat and to what extent you exercise and tell me with a strait face that  you "eat like a bird" or "just can't help gaining weight even though I watch  what I eat and exercise". Please, who am I kidding, almost all the fatties will  score 0/3 every time.

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